Sunday, September 28, 2014

Thrones 2

[When last we left you, our first household member was eliminated - literally. In the game of thrones, you win or you die. Don't worry, everyone signed a waiver. Robb Stark was our first to go, by random die roll - pun intended. 

I'm making a rule change that says you now only play for a few days and then kill someone off. Knowing they're dying for a whole week is kind of awful. I rolled again and we have our second victim. This plays for a whole week, but won't going forward.]

Daenerys: Did you hear the news? Robb is dead!
Edmure: Uh, yeah. We were all here, in the house, when it happened. Do you just pretend to be stupid or are you really that dumb? I truly cannot figure you out.
Daenerys: What? 
Edmure: Yeah...

Robin: I've got a golden ticketttttt, I'm gonna win the whole she-bang!
Oberyn: This kid. If he were mine, I would whip him soundly.
Loras: Tell me more.

[This just cracked me up. Joffrey is at the kids' table doing his homework.]

Theon: Now that Robb is dead, no one can stand in my way of world domination.
Joffrey: Uh, I can.
Loras: Yeah, you know that's why we're all here...
Theon: Ha. Robb was my only competition.

Robin: Oh my seven gods! What is this?!? [Joffrey found Robin's mother's webcam. That woman is a freak.]

Joffrey: No, Uncle Tyrion, all art is now forbidden. And your beloved books, too. Mwahahah!

Loras: Little punk, Joffrey, love to rub his nose in mud! Wipe that smug look off his face.

Edmure: This contest is pure garbage. You should not choose the ruling party by competition, unless it is competition in jousting, battle, archery, the things that matter.

Daenerys: In the other kingdoms, I'll have my coronation televised so all my children can see me.

Theon: Look father, aren't you proud? Ruler, wealth, and all paid at the iron price.

Oberyn: Prosperity in the seven kingdoms, the sand snakes at peace...

Daenrys: I feel like garbage. Am I getting the pox or the flux? Better rest more.

Theon: My stomach feels like I drank a bunch of  soda. Ugh. I'll stay in bed a bit longer.

[Theon, Daenerys, and Oberyn are all feeling ill. I just thought this photo of them breaking their fast and Loras' butt were funny.]

Oberyn: I'm working on a novel. What are you doing, Theon?
Theon: I'm trying to send my father a friend request on TheBookOfFaces, but he seems to have blocked me. Curious.

Robin: Best 2 out of 3 rules the iron throne.
Oberyn: Aw, that's cute, but not how this works.

Robin: I said I WIN! Now fly!

Oberyn: What the actual hell, Robin? You need a spanking!
Robin: No one talks to me that way.

Loras: The Kama Sutra? What's with all the women? Gross. Oh, hmm, monkey pulling the turnip, I can see that being fun, even with a woman maybe, if I had to.

Theon: You feed the dragon mice?

Theon: You know, Joffrey, that's why no one likes you and your only friend in the house is Robin. You two deserve each other, both rotten right through.

[Robin gets everything he wants. It was his birthday and he wanted a party.] 

[He also wanted to meet a supernatural.]

Everyone: Whoohoo, happy birthday, Robin! We hope you're next! 
Robin: Cake for me! No ice cream?

Theon: I was just a little boy when the Starks took me ransom. And my father never came for me. I don't think he even tried.

Edmure: This place is a wreck. We should not have company when the dishwasher is broken. What a terrible time for a party. At least everyone brought food. It'll probably all go to waste now, though.

Edmure: None of these women seem suitable for childbearing.
Loras: I have to make the place beautiful for our guests.
Oberyn: It is more crowded in  here than an oasis in the desert.

Daenerys: One sure does miss her handmaidens at a time like this. Not only drawing my own bath but cleaning it, too?

Edmure: And the headline reads: Tully found the most capable ruler of the seven kingdoms.

Robin: Crappy party. Crappy house. Crappy throne. I want my mommy.

Loras: Of course I'll pose for photos with you. What is a tournament without the memories to look back upon?

Oberyn: It feels like explosions are in my belly. Oh, what did I eat?

Joffrey: Yes, my family has all of the wealth. I suppose I could share it if you had something to trade, young lady...

Theon: I will tame you, by the Drowned God, obey me, vile water spout.

Theon: There, emblazoned on the Walk of Fame, Greyjoy, the victor.

Daenerys: Perhaps I can trade in my silver horse for something a little sportier. Would it become a queen?

Joffrey: That Robin is getting in my way. He talks too much, is too obvious. Perhaps I can use that, however. Take the heat off of me...

[This is our evil Robin grown into a teen.]

Robin: Just send a virus to Oberyn's cloud and that should do it...
Oberyn: Robin, are you having any trouble with your computer? I seem to have lost the last several chapters of my book.

Joffrey: Deviled eggs, just how I like them, evil.

Robin: Teeheehee, yeah, I did.
Joffrey: Good. You should tell him, just to make him mad.
Robin: Why? Just let him wonder.
Joffrey: No, better to make him mad, too. Really ruin his day.

Joffrey: Be cool, Loras is coming.
Robin: Hey, Loras.

Woman at pool: Oh, you look like you work out. Can I feel your bicep?
Loras: Uh, I'd rather you didn't. 

Theon: I don't know, this feels an awful lot like sowing. We do not sow.
Daenerys: Sowing means you collect something, like fruit. You're just making a pile. Your motto is not "we do not pile." That'd just be dumb.

[Checked in with the gnomes. Disappointed to see none have moved.]

Theon: I feel like those sandwiches made me sick. Maybe the mayo was bad...

Oberyn: I feel sick, too. I'm so cold. I have goosebumps, look.
Daenerys: Says here that you may have the flux. Best get to bed.
Oberyn: But I'm so hungry, too. What's it say about that?
Daenerys: Says to eat, then get to bed.
Robin: ...

Oberyn: Achoo! Ugh, bloody flux.

Oberyn: Was it something I ate?
Loras: Just passing through, totally not unusual at all even though my room is on the next floor. You rest, buddy.

Daenerys: Vote yes on dragons!

Robin: I'll have all the dragons, and I'll make them fly with me on their backs. Can a dragon fit out the moon door?

Joffrey: Oh yes, all the money. We're quite rich.

Theon: No more shall the Drowned God be contained to tubs and sinks, but be free to roam the ocean floor once more.

Loras: If only I could communicate with my lover without a messenger. Messengers should not know their master's business, lest they talk.

Edmure: I give unto you, the princess Catelyn, my sister.

Oberyn: Sand snakes, I'm coming home.
[Oberyn has died.]

[2 down, 5 to go to see who becomes the next ruler of the Iron Throne. I think I'll play only 3 days next time. A week feels far too long. We'll roll the die and see who is next.]